So I'm on shaky ground. It's not going well. I tend to lean heavily on my writing hoping to live by my words. Sometimes when I don't feel it I'll write it to encourage my path. There will be typos as I type through tears. But I am all aboard the struggle bus right now. The holidays are approaching and I'm having a hard time summoning my good vibes.
I saw the very clear blue line on Thanksgiving day. My lady time was a little wacky and my Beau pointed out I was sleeping a record and average of 12 hours a night. So I checked to make sure it'd be OK to consume the very large bottle of wine with my side of turkey that day. I called Beau told him the surprisingly, joyous news. He said it wasn't a funny joke as we had decided only a few short weeks before we were ready to take the plunge into parenthood. I spent the rest of the day with my delicious secret.
Christmas Eve we told our families. We announced at Beau's side during a white elephant exchange where Beau told everyone we had a present that we couldn't wrap. Telling his grandma who is with Piper was pretty special. She told me how bad childbirth hurt. I think she used the expression ripped in two. I can vividly remember being wrecked with first trimester nausea and decorating the tree. I had to lay down every few minutes. Telling my brothers on Cheistmas. Lolly had a plan, we handed out presents youngest to oldest and they went to hand Carly then 6 months pregnant and then handed it to me, then 10 weeks carrying the smallest family member. I planned for them to be best friends.
Im strolling down memory lane because I'm hurting. I need to remember Pipers short life. The happy parts. It goes without saying, holidays are hard. But I'll disguise my grinchy heart with love for my family. Ba hum bug, I mean Merry Christmas.
Merry christmas and a happy new year, my Piper.
Piper Kai Bennett
I will scream, sing and share her story may it be short. Our only child was born still at 36 weeks secondary to an umbilical cord accident. This is our journey about choosing life rather than existence.