Grinch

So I'm on shaky ground. It's not going well. I tend to lean heavily on my writing hoping to live by my words. Sometimes when I don't feel it I'll write it to encourage my path. There will be typos as I type through tears. But I am all aboard the struggle bus right now. The holidays are approaching and I'm having a hard time summoning my good vibes.

I saw the very clear blue line on Thanksgiving day. My lady time was a little wacky and my Beau pointed out I was sleeping a record and average of 12 hours a night. So I checked to make sure it'd be OK to consume the very large bottle of wine with my side of turkey that day. I called Beau told him the surprisingly, joyous news. He said it wasn't a funny joke as we had decided only a few short weeks before we were ready to take the plunge into parenthood. I spent the rest of the day with my delicious secret. 

Christmas Eve we told our families. We announced at Beau's side during a white elephant exchange where Beau told everyone we had a present that we couldn't wrap. Telling his grandma who is with Piper was pretty special. She told me how bad childbirth hurt. I think she used the expression ripped in two. I can vividly remember being wrecked with first trimester nausea and decorating the tree. I had to lay down every few minutes. Telling my brothers on Cheistmas. Lolly had a plan, we handed out presents youngest to oldest and they went to hand Carly then 6 months pregnant and then handed it to me, then 10 weeks carrying the smallest family member. I planned for them to be best friends.

Im strolling down memory lane because I'm hurting. I need to remember Pipers short life. The happy parts. It goes without saying, holidays are hard. But I'll disguise my grinchy heart with love for my family. Ba hum bug, I mean Merry Christmas. 

Merry christmas and a happy new year, my Piper.