Return To Work. I have to go back tomorrow. I have to sit in the last place I was exactly three months to the day that I lost you. I sat in that office chair willing you to move. I still can't seem shake the fact that I should have spent the last three months at home with you. Learning your tiny baby habits and keeping you mostly to myself. Probably not sleeping and arguing with Daddy about the last person to change a diaper. I would have held you during your nap times because you are only little once. Also, to make sure your were breathing. I hear that's a first time Mom thing to do. I would have breathed in that just washed baby smell. Every coo and smile. I do not think I'll ever by ever to rid that feeling when I am home alone you should be here too.
I would have worked some after you had arrived. I would have packed you up and shipped your off to one or more willing grandparent to fill your days being spoiled. I don't know what to do with my life now that I'm forced to live it without you. But we both know simply existing is not an option. Living is the choice.Tomorrow, I'll have first day butterflies but I'll go and smile and work and cry in the car. I'll let your light shine through me.
You may not be here but I am still your Mom. I miss you everyday.
Rest easy Piper Kai.